I've been a cynic for most of my life. Over and over again I'm reminded that the world frowns on cynics. Even though everyone is a cynic about something, secretly. But regardless, I have tried to change my ways over the past few years. I don't really see an issue with it, other than no one else seems to enjoy our kind.
I realize most definitely that the language of the bible and of Christ is love. And I support that love 100%. There is no other love greater than that of our heavenly Father and the love it took for his Son to die for us. I believe that with everything in me. And I believe that because of the love He possesses for us, that it causes us to carry deep and unconditional love for others. Love that makes you realize that everyone has a soul and everyone is worth the trouble. Love that makes you realize that if God can love a sinner like me, a twisted mind like me, a troubled spirit like me, then I too can love the other sinners, twisties, and troublers out there. We were all created by the same creator. And for that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ.
However . . . the cynicism comes in on one part. This idea of this . . . I guess "fairy tale love". For quite a while I didn't believe in that type of love. I didn't believe in soul mates. I didn't believe in fate between two people. And then there was a period where I started to believe. Not because anyone came along and proved me wrong, but because I thought I was wrong to believe other wise. And now . . . I'm not sure what I believe. Some days I think there is one person out there that was designed and created to meet and marry me. Some days I think that one special someone is right around the corner ready to fall madly in love with me. Other days . . . I'm convinced I'm wasting my time with those thoughts.
Don't get me wrong, I know that the love my parents have for each other is a real, true love. But I see others that are married that aren't nearly as "in love". What if that happens to me? What if I marry someone thinking "this is it!" only to realize later it isn't real. And then . . . what if I never get married at all? What if I go my whole life without finding someone? For all of you cynics I'm sure you're thinking "I told you so." For all you fairy talers . . . I'm sure you're thinking "well, you missed your opportunity some where down the line!"
Either way, not very promising.
But I haven't decided on anything yet . . . no worries.
I'm still in a constant search for answers, for reasons, for someone to prove me wrong.
